I scarcely know where to begin. All I know is that I'm pent up. Masturbation holds no draw, nor does eating save the gnawing, nor does sleep save the escape, nor does bathing as I rather like my smell, nor does work though I miss solving problems. If I remain in this state everything will fall down around me and we work with no safety net. I am the most depressed I can remember in a long time. What I really need is a good cry but I can't bring myself to it. I'm exhausted and apathetic. I miss my family. I miss my mother, my grandmother, my sister, her kids... but I can't go back home. Home is a place that exists in my mind and not in reality. I'm just so tired. Death becomes more and more attractive. This will pass, but when? I feel like I'm trapped under ice, cold fingers gripping my torso, pulling me down. I want nothing more than to embrace them.